Laugh in your Mess.
Being stuck in mental mess is no fun, I know, I’ve been there. And by stuck, I don’t mean bedridden, although I definitely feel for such people. I mean the same old-same old, day-after-day, over it feeling. Everything feels hard and hope feels depleted. You can face another day, but it’s painful. You know something needs changing, but you can’t see how. Then, you hear about something that helps - from either the health industry or a well meaning person. Hope arise. But you fall back into position stuck again, feeling more disheartened. You start to experience what is known as 'cruel optimism', where a simple answer is offered to a complex situation, giving you a false sense of hope - this ends up leaving you more despondent. Getting bogged down in the mess of life can feel stressful, anxious, depressing, hopeless, exhausting… or all of the above.
Laughter won’t cure you, but it will help
When I was stuck in my mess several years back, I remember thinking that I couldn’t continue on this same trajectory - my mess felt like it was getting worse by the day. My personality being what it is, I decided I would lean into one of my stronger traits, tenacity, and tackle my mental health struggles from a large variety of angles. My list was exhaustive… exercise, mindfulness, diet, psychology, medication. The list goes on. Most of it helped, but it took time. But there was one simple thing that I did which was an easy first step, and in my view, definitely helped me get through my hardest times. It was laughter. No cruel optimism here, laughter is not a cure, but, it is a help.
What does laughter do?
I think we all need laughter, and it’s often one of the first things to go when we’re down and out. Laughter is good for the mind and crucial for the soul. It lifts the weight and lightens the load. Laughter, as simple as it sounds, results in positive physiological changes too. When stressed, your body releases excessive amounts of another neuro-chemical called cortisol. By increasing your oxygen intake, laughter stimulates body circulation, decreasing these cortisol levels. Laughter also releases endorphins in our brain, which are a pain-killer. Laughter has been said to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression... at the risk of getting too nerdy, you get where I’m heading!
So why don’t we laugh?
Here’s the thing. When you’re stuck, you don’t feel like laughing right? Why would you? Life’s not enjoyable, it’s not what you had hoped, so there’s not much to laugh about. This was where I landed, so I had to roll up my sleeves and go search for it. Laughter didn’t find me, so I had to find it. Once I actively searched for laughter, it eased the tension and helped me get through my days. To keep things practical, here are three simple ways me and my family created laughter in my mess.
Ways to Laugh in your mess
1. Listen to your favourite comedian, then hit repeat.
For me, it’s Michael Macintyre. His raw insight into everyday life just cracks me up, so I watched his clips and plenty of them. It was a great place to start because in many ways it was a pretty passive way to get the laughter strated. I kind of lost myself in laughter to start finding myself again. I’ve inserted a couple of links to some of my favourite clips, but find the comedian that works for you, and hit play. If you need a starting point, here’s one of my favourites about going to the dentist, I laugh every time I watch it!
2. Find your inner child and break the mundane.
My kids are good at laughing, and it comes so naturally. But when we grow up, something happens. We struggle to find those same laughable moments as easily. However, I still think we can all find that inner child, regardless of our circumstances. Whether it be family shaving cream fights, jumping into a tiny toddler pool with the kids, or zooming around the house with the kids on the ‘Daddo Plane’, laughter can be found in the simplest of moments. You probably won’t feel like it at first, but we have to seek out those moments, then create those moments.
3. Laugh in your situation.
When I was stuck, I turned into captain serious. Everything was difficult, and I kind of had this doom-and-gloom mentality. That’s where I lost hope and started to get bogged down in my mess, especially the circumstances I couldn't change. I thought my cure required changing the unchangeable, and it drove me mental because I couldn’t do anything about this at the time. Over time, I learned to look at my situation with more light-heartedness. I could joke to my wife and mates about how much it sucked, and my self-dialogue also involved seeing the craziness of my situation! This took a lot of time, and didn’t initially come easily, but it created a lightness that I needed. I recently met with good family friends of ours and witnessed a teen laughing at some harsh words concerning what someone has hurled their way during their messy circumstances. I could instantly see how this lightened the load. I love that. If you can, shrug your shoulders and laugh in your mess.
So, no cruel optimisim. Laughter won’t cure you. But it helped me, and I’m a very big fan of finding the many little things that work for us when in a mental struggle. It was empowering to know that by making moments of laughter in my every day, I could generate some momentum and slowly start getting myself out of my mess.