4 Hacks Which Got Me Out Of a Rut
I was aimlessly walking around a shopping plaza with my tail between my legs when the call came in.
“Quick! Your plane is leaving this afternoon, you need to go now”, she said.
“What are you talking about, I don’t have anywhere to go or be?” I replied.
Life had given me lemons, plenty of big yellow sour ones. I was in constant physical pain, my mind was all over the shop and I could see no end in sight. I’d been to appointment after appointment to try and resolve what was the deep-rooted issue behind my long lasting chronic pain. It was a simple procedure, elective surgery, how could things have gone so wrong? I’d been blindsided and I was now facing two battles, a physical and mental one. Life had well and truly got the better of me. I was not in a good space.
“Seriously, you need to get back here now, the plane is leaving in 3 hours. You have just enough time to pack your bags, drive to the airport, and fly to QLD, for a holiday I’ve organised, but you don’t have time to waste,” she continued.
“I can’t. I won’t. That’s crazy. I’m OK, I’ll be OK.” I lied.
I told myself I’d be OK, but I wasn’t, my ego got the better of me. But she knew I wasn’t OK. She was worried about me. When she’d said goodbye that morning I was flat. High stress? Tick. Anxiety? Absolutely. Depressed? Probably. But when you’re in the moment you don’t see it like that. You know things are a mess, but you’ll be OK if you just get that thing sorted… but you’re not.
“Are you going or not? It’s ultimately your call, but everything is lined up for you to jump onto that plane and get away for the weekend. You should do this Juz, you need this Juz.”
“No. I need more time,” I said
“No. You need this time,” She said.
Everything told me not to go, but deep down I knew she could see things more clearly than I. She knew I was in a bad place. I loved and trusted her, so I needed to take her advice before my own. She had my back and I needed to let go and trust her.
“OK, I’ll go”
Yes! Done. I’ll make it happen.
This conversation goes down as one of the most humbling moments I’ve had in my life. To acknowledge that I was not OK, and trust someone else’s judgement. I will forever be thankful for my wife for her wise judgement and kindness - she knows me, and this was an extreme measure I needed when I was stuck in a bottomless pit of stress, anxiety, and turmoil.
I packed my bags. I flew to Brisbane. Three days later I came back knowing I could climb that next rung on the ladder. No, I didn’t have all my answers - I couldn’t get to the top of the ladder, but I could take one step, and that was was needed.
In reflecting on that weekend, here’s the thing I learned. So often we believe that the solution to our problems is the resolution, the answer to our preconceived expectations of how life should work - sometimes that needs to be challenged. For me, it was getting to the bottom of the chronic pain that was weighing me down. Until I’d resolved that problem, I was stuck. And my expectation… there had to be an answer through western medicine. If there’s a problem, we go to the doctor and they fix it right? My problem was that it didn’t go my way. Pain medication, surgery, nerve blocks, pain psychology. Sure, some of it helped a little, but ultimately, my expectation was not resolved, leading to me being stuck.
So often we believe that the solution to our problems is the resolution, the answer to our preconceived expectations of how life should work. Sometimes that needs to be challenged.
Over the course of the years, I learned to adjust my expectation. Modify it so that it was rational, realistic, and flexible. Life often doesn’t turn out how we want, but there are things we can control which are crucial to our health and wellbeing. There are hacks, as I like to call them, that give us the best shot at dealing with our situation. Ironically, I eventually learned that this in itself helps deal with chronic pain.
When I was at my lowest, there were things that weekend in Queensland did - none of them met my deep down expectations of what I thought I needed; all of them gave me what I needed in that season of my life. I needed to get away, out of my environment for a bit. I needed a circuit breaker that gave my mind and body a break and stabilised things.
The body is a complex unit, but for me, Queensland gave me some much-needed balance and stabilisation. At some point in my journey, I came across a diagram, similar to that below, which I’ve since modified and made my own. It gives practical ideas on how to regulate bodily chemicals and hormones, in my view crucial to mental health and wellbeing. It has not only helped me proactively deal with mental challenges but also explains why the Queensland trip was so mentally beneficial.
Dopamine - the reward chemical. I got on a plane, I went and looked after myself. I came back. That’s it. But it was enough to feel that sense of achieving something.
Serotonin - the mood stabiliser. I walked in nature, took in nature, lay in the sun, exercised, and was mindful. It felt self-indulging but it gave me (and my family) exactly what was needed. I came back feeling more refreshed and balanced.
Oxytocin - the love hormone. My wife organised this trip, and although I was hesitant at the time, she gave me a huge gift that weekend. In the end, it was rewarding just to get away, work on myself, spend time alone, and come back in a position to be a better husband and dad and begin enjoying life again.
Endorphin - the pain killer. I exercised, listened to music, watched episodes of my favourite comedian, Michael McIntyre. I didn’t do it for this reason, but my emotional and physical pain incidentally eased.
Those terms and ideas are a bit to remember, especially in the moment of distress. Fortunately for me while in Queensland, many of these occurred naturally, unbeknown to my awareness. But in the following years, I learned more about why and how our natural bodily chemicals are so important for health. I learned that I needed to develop a very simple game plan that I could execute in times of adversity. If I had to summarise the 4 key areas I invested my energy into to activate chemicals & hormones in their various forms and combinations, it would be that below. To this day I still invest energy into these areas for my overall health and wellbeing:
Exercising (in nature): activates dopamine, serotonin & endorphins
Comedy: activates endorphins
Contributing to a cause/completing a task: activates serotonin, dopamine & oxytocin
Mindfulness: activates serotonin
Humility, letting go of expectations, and accepting other people’s kindness and logic get you out of a rut. Sometimes we need a circuit breaker in life, and there were plenty of simple, accessible things in my control that helped me start cleaning up my mess. My mental health struggles didn’t end that weekend, but I have no doubt this short getaway injected some much-needed natural chemicals into my system, waning a downward trajectory and correcting my flight path. I was so much better for it.
Thank you Jessie :)